A Poem: The Hole

One red day,

No specific time,

Or date,

She, went forth,

To and fro in her world,

As she always did everyday.

This was her life.

This was her way.

Her happiness,

Her path,

Her pace,

Life, lived, everyday.

And then, one red morning came,

And on this day,

Change.

Not her's,

Not her mother's,

Not her friend's or family's,

But a stranger, 

On the outside looking in,

Came in,

And took and kept taking,

And broke,

And kept breaking,

Until all the love,

Irreplaceable,
Lives and paths,

Were gone.

And with this change,

Shame, loss, hurt, nightmares, and pain,

Came.

But again,

She,
Went forth,

As she knew she must do.

Her heart demanded it,

Her soul said this was the truth,

And life demanded it too.

Strong, loved, free, smart, cute, successful, 

Through pain, 

Through shame,

Through fear,

Through evils, 

Pass demons,

Pass devils,

Through suffering,

And despite the hole,

She reached,

She conquered,

Every single one of her goals.

And then one day,

As she went to and fro, on her way,

That old Change,

In all their, 
And it's,
Sad,
Mad,
Desperation,

Came.

They laughed,

They belittled,

They sneered and insulted,

They cried apology,

They cried unfairness,

About the path taken from her,

About the lives taken from us,

All refusing shame,

Saying, 
It was life,

Life is to blame.

She looked, and in all of her name, said in blatant regard,

There is no regret,
No vengeance or set path towards these graves.

The path was taken, gone,
To only become better.

Your path is what's most important, 

All the loved you ruined,
In hate,
All the lives taken,
In desperation, desire and lies,

All these holes you all created.

I know it can't be filled,

No matter if you suffer,

No matter how much your flesh squeals, in affliction,

Through however many hours, minutes, dreams, or days,

Your suffering can't bring that needed thing,
Freedom, 
Freedom from misery in every part of the mind,
In every minute and hour of every single thought, 

Nothing, no amount of ragged sacrifice, nor tears, nor quiet,

Can bring it all back,

Bring back the path in that way,
It is gone forever,

They, are gone forever.

And what lies in the mind, the heart, the soul, is a single bottomless,

Endless,
Hole.

I walk with it,
It exists in my world,
And will forever, 

Never ever to be filled.

But I am blessed,

Fortunate,

Free,

Because I KNOW this.

However, you are damned,

Because others, 
Who carry their everlasting holes,
From the things you stole from them,
From the things you decided to take,
May not know this,

They may not care to know that their holes, 
Can't be filled,

And that aggravating desire,

That twisted fateful need,

That incurable ache,

Pushed by the devil,
Pushed by pain,
Pushed by hate,
The grinding twist of vengeance, or hell, or fate, 
Is always there,

Pushing them to share their suffering with you,

Or,

Try to fill the hole. 

Toni Northern

@toninorthern on Twitter